It’s safe to say that we have all experienced some level of toxicity. Whether it is in a workplace, subgroup, or any other organization in which we’re forced to collectively work together, unfortunately, encountering someone with toxic behavior is inevitable. Through my latest encounter in a toxic work environment, I was forced to change my mindset. My toxic workplace forced me to level up and mature on a spiritual aspect. Through focusing all my energy inward, empathizing with the abusers, and appreciating my positive personal life I learned that toxicity can be the catalyst to a remarkable internal change.
Sadly my work environment had gone from bad to worse. Every aspect of my role was extremely micromanaged and my superior was vindictive and abusive. My anxiety was through the roof and going to work was taking a physical and mental toll on me. I felt completely undermined and couldn’t work comfortably. My confidence was slowly starting to fade. The anxiety forced me to wake up. I came to the realization that I could not control my environment or the people in it, but I could control how I responded to them. My obsession with positivity began years ago. For the majority of my life, I suffered from depression and low-self esteem. I read and worked on myself to reach a level of confidence and self-awareness. I began to think of all the work I put into my self-love journey and decided to take control. I was not going to make a replaceable job undo all the years of work I put into accepting myself. This change of attitude forced me to research manifestation and prayer. I learned to speak to my situation in a positive manner. Regardless of how negative the outcome could have been, I envisioned the best scenario possible. One of my pastors used to say, “Speak what you seek, until you see what you said.” This theory proved true as I continually spoke to my toxic environment as well as worked to get out of it. The internal work and positive mindset slowly made things tolerable.
This realization of the inability to control my environment forced me to view my superior with a sense of empathy. I took into consideration that those obsessed with the appearance of control, have an extreme fear of losing it and people will treat others to the capacity in which they view themselves. Demanding and overly controlling individuals do not understand that all aspects of an environment are not in their control, they live in a constant state of uneasiness and ultimately unhappiness. This horrible ideology of needing to control the uncontrollable is sad. I started to feel a sense of sympathy for those who suffered from this mentality. If they were hard on me, they were much harder on themselves.
The sympathy I felt for my work abuser translated into an appreciation for my personal life. I was thankful that I had a life beyond work and it was healthy and exciting. Misery brought to work translates to misery at home, and my home was happy.
Through my forced personal work, I learned that toxicity is not only inevitable but necessary. Sometimes the external needs to be shaken up so everything can come together internally.
